October 30, 2013

i swear there’s gold in those hills / acres are plenty in heart.


photos by jon canlas

this time of year, my thoughts shake and scatter. i muse and mull and look for meaning in every nuance.
i play piano again, pick up poetry, write messy words from wondering thoughts.
then there are late nights, piled up deadlines, cups of coffee . . . tangled like string.
knit me a reminder saying, season by season, for such a time as this.
i need rest. a place, the space, to breathe. just be filled.
i don't know what it will look like. i know what it will hold.
slowness. resting. being honest with myself and others. simplifying.
stretching and breathing through everything.

it's been a tough season. not leaves falling, pumpkins and orchards, hot apple cider season.
but this here and now place, these weeks winding around and around into months.
i've been living with so many layers. going through the whole gamut of emotions.
this is what i want
depth and richness
not shallowness and instant gratification -- fleeting
i want lasting
and there are cadences to that
bittersweetness rolling around on your tongue.
sorrow ringing and laughter singing and gratitude stretching through your soul, morning by morning.
i want the pauses that come between heartbreak and joy.
i want the evenings of weeping.
i want the afternoons of growing.
i want the hard days of planting, the long years of process and practice and belief.
i want to sow hope deep in my soul for the white walled years like winter winds.

i need the habit. the hours of work and wrestling. discipline.
to find myself remembering seeds grow unnoticed, at first.
walking barefoot in the fall with the smell of earth heavy, turning, changing.
i want to see that picture as a poem for my life.

able to see mundane as meaningful. turn routine into ritual. live wide eyed.
notice and laugh. notice and weep.
notice and work. notice and rest.
notice and make. notice and sing.
turning each sweeping breath into a prayer of thank you, thank you, thank you.
until there is no longer a hollow ache, a knotted lump, a tightness. but openness, depth, rest.

seasons and seeking and seeing.

further up, further in.

13 comments :

  1. Hannah, oh my stars you senior photos are stunning ! and your words blow me away

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  2. Oooh my. This is so good. Further up and further in- YES.

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  4. Those pictures of you. oh my gosh. those pictures...

    as for these words, hannah, these are too beautiful. and I will agree with you on them. not into detail, but just know that this is so so true for my life... and thank you.

    xo,
    rn
    www.rachelnicoleblog.com

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  5. oh. your writing never fails to leave me speechless, hannah girl. this is so incredibly relevant to my life as well. love everything about this. it's a season of growth. so much meaning, so much passion, so much authenticity. you're such a beautiful soul, & someday I just really hope I have the opportunity to meet you! xo, k

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  6. not only is your face gorgeous, but your words are too. girl. seeing your heart this way is just lovely. I've been on my own journey of finding deeper meaning and fuller gratitude lately. further up and further in, indeed.

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  7. Anonymous30.10.13

    Perhaps the true start to finding satisfaction in life is to stop wanting and start focusing on what God has already done for you

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  8. you have a way with words like no other
    xx

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  9. Wow, just wow.
    ...
    You beautiful soul. I aspire to be like you. xo

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  10. love this. exactly where my heart is at right now.

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  11. Anonymous5.11.13

    "So Hannah let your roots grow
    Let your blue veins show
    If I need to take a breath
    Then you can take a trumpet solo
    I'll work on the limbs if
    You work on the torso and
    If it gets to be too much
    Then you can lend a helping hand"

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