sweet sixteen

a birthday balloon and a morning face me.

Today I am sixteen.

It sounds so funny to say that. On one hand, it seems like a momentous birthday, a big age, a final salute to childhood. Yet on the other, as I get older, I realize how young I still am. Does that sound strange? I feel strange. Maybe it's a growing up thing. When I was ten, I scribbled in notebooks about how I was so excited to turn this extra-special sweet sixteen. I dreamed about who I would be, what I would be doing, and marveled at how old I would be. Now that the years are tucked away in notebooks and I'm finally at that age, it feels even stranger. I feel terribly old all of a sudden, yet I recognize how silly that is in retrospect -- because, point blank, sixteen years old is not the new sixty.

Movies tell you that your sweet sixteen should be a party, a grand celebration. Complete with lights, parties, presents, and a cake from Charm City Cakes (which, I won't lie, would be pretty awesome). But the truth is...that's not what the point is. There's nothing wrong with any of those things, but they aren't necessities that I somehow "deserve." I do not need a car, a boyfriend, a new wardrobe, a huge party, presents galore, or any of that jazz to have a perfect sweet sixteen, or to even be happy. My life is not about myself. My life is about Christ. He has given me this life to live and I want every breath to glorify Him -- that my life would be worship. I pray that my heart would be that I would bring glory to God in all that I do.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." - Romans 12:2

To present your bodies as a living sacrifice -- this is your spiritual worship. That's not a couple hours on Sunday. That means my everyday, every moment, in the middle of math lessons and cleaning the kitchen and belting out showtunes in the backyard. It's when I'm angry, when I'm entitled, when I'm sad, when I'm upset, scared, happy, joyful, calm, or worried. It's in every breath that I breathe and I all that I do.

And it's especially on my sixteenth birthday. When I am tempted to believe that I "deserve more." I pray that I would never fall prey to entitlement and selfish want. The Lord has so richly blessed my life in ways that I could never imagine nor even hope to describe, with good and true gifts. A family that loves me unconditionally. The best of friends. Health and healing. Passions and gifts for things that I love doing. A home.

And today, I get to celebrate my birthday with my family. I get to wake up to hugs from my brothers, their arms squeezing me and their hands sticky, as they sloppily kiss my cheek. Eating a homemade breakfast (which, I'm hoping is blueberry pancakes and bacon) while sitting at the kitchen table in pajamas, listening to pandora on Chloe's ipod. Going shopping with my grandma, sister, mom, and aunts for my birthday present. And then ending the day with my Church family, with fellowship and worship.

It's not the world's perfect sweet sixteen, but it is completely mine. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

I am so blessed. So thankful. And...I'm pretty excited to finally be sixteen. :) Below are sixteen things I want to focus on until I'm seventeen. They are on my heart and they resonate with me. This next year will be fun.

sixteen until seventeen.

1. I want to live simply, intentionally, and authentically.
2. I want to give generously.
3. I want to be brave with my gifts, my talents, my passions, and my life.
4. I want to love deeper, wholly, and genuinely.
5. I want to fall more in love with Jesus.
6. I want to turn off the phone, shut the computer, and choose to be present more.
7. I want to get up early every morning to start my day with God in prayer and in the Word.
8. I want to eat healthier, exercise more, and be in tune with my body.
9. I want to start playing piano again.
10. I want to do more things with my siblings, parents, and family.
11. I want to mentor, guide, and teach in any way I can.
12. I want to laugh more.
13. I want to learn to love spontaneity and to let go of the list a little.
14. I want to grow even more sure of who I am and learn to love me, as me.
15. I want to be purposeful with every image I take, every song I sing, every word I write.
16. I want to be a worldchanger.